How to Help Your Child Adjust to the New Baby
Adding a new member to the family can be an adjustment for everyone. For siblings, this can be a time of uncertainty because the world as they know it is changing. The most important thing during this time is to make sure your child(ren) know they are loved.
It’s important to discuss the baby with your children prior to baby’s arrival. Answer any questions your child may have and explain what you think life will look like after the baby is here. Explain to your child that your time may be divided but your heart only grows with each new family member.
When siblings meet the new baby for the first time it is a very special time, so treat it like one! Get presents for baby and siblings to exchange, eat birthday cake, and have a party! I’m not talking a Pinterest perfect party, just a small family celebration. This first meeting is also a great time to discuss how to safely interact with baby. When explaining safety include instructions such as gentle touches and keeping items (blankets, burp cloths, toys) away from baby’s face. Explain that siblings must ask to hold baby and have help with handling the baby and any other rules you may have to keep everyone in your home safe.
Below are some ideas on how to include siblings in an active role of caring for the baby and reassuring them of their place in the family. Sometimes your attention will be divided as you meet your infant’s needs, so I included ideas of special things for your child to do independently. The ideas are broken down by age categories, but many can be applied or adapted to all ages.
Toddlers (Ages 1-3)
Toddlers have short attention spans, are impulsive and quite affectionate. Keeping them engaged in caring for the baby will provide opportunities for bonding with you and the new baby.
• Toddlers love to be helpful. Ask your toddler to bring you a diaper or a wipe, get a bottle, get a burp cloth or blanket.
• Have busy boxes, special toys or books at the ready to be used only when you have to tend to the baby (ie: breastfeeding, diaper changes, making bottles, etc.)
• Special TV or screen time – certain shows the child watches only when you have to have your full attention on baby
• Set-up changing stations (diapers & wipes in basket) for baby in common areas of your home so you can stay with your toddler as they play
• Set-up breastfeeding stations in common areas of your home so you can stay with your toddler.
• Find some activities for toddlers to do in their highchairs/seats at the table (puzzles, paint with water, coloring, tape on the highchair tray) so you can focus on baby and know your toddler is safe.
• Set aside 15 minutes of the day (preferably right after waking from a nap or in the evening) where your toddler has all of your attention. Snuggle, read books, play with toys, or have a special snack together.
Preschoolers (4-5)
Preschoolers are curious, love to help and feel included. You can keep them engaged by answering questions about the baby and teaching them how to help care for baby and keep baby safe. They can also follow two-three step directions, which can be helpful when you’re in a pinch (think diaper blowout)!
• Give them “special jobs” and show them appreciation for their help. For example, they always get the burp cloth for baby at feeding time.
• Set-up areas in your home so your preschooler can be more independent such as having snacks in an area where they can reach and having a water bottle to use throughout the day.
• Have your child “read” the baby a book or show the baby their favorite toys, while supervising.
• Bath time is also a fun time to get your child involved. The child can bring you a washcloth, soap, lotion, or sit outside the tub to watch or play a little in the water.
• Set aside 15 minutes of the day where your full attention can be on your preschooler. Ask them to lead you in play, read books, make a meal/snack together.
• Get outside and go for a walk! Your child can help you push the stroller.
• Emphasize moments where you are prioritizing time with your child by saying “It’s okay if the baby waits while we do this together.”
School-age Kiddos (6 & up)
Kids this age are more independent and are able to comprehend situations and process feelings and emotions. Check in with your kiddo frequently on how they are adjusting to life with the new baby.
• Talk to your child about what they were like as a baby. Are there any similarities or differences between your child and the new baby?
• Look through baby pictures and baby books. Your child could even help you with creating a baby book or memory book for the new baby.
• When your child gets home from school or when you reunite during the day, be sure to focus on them. Plan ahead so you can give them your full attention.
• Calmly listen and validate concerns or negative feelings toward the baby. It is normal for siblings to feel frustrated about the changes they have made to adjust to the new baby. This does not mean they don’t love the baby. When you listen and validate their feelings (ie: “I know this is really hard for you.”) it will help them move through those feelings and move forward.
• Help your child organize their belongings so they won’t be disturbed by a crawling baby or moving toddler in the months to come. Its’ important to have the child involved with moving their items so it doesn’t feel like another sacrifice they are making for the baby.
All of these ideas take time to introduce and build into your routine. Have patience and grace for your child(ren) and yourself. The idea of caring for a baby and another child may be daunting. You can do this! Work out a plan with your partner. Ask for help. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and postpartum doulas are here to help your family adjust to this new life. You are not alone.
